


Distance

by Erestorandfin



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:48:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28695708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erestorandfin/pseuds/Erestorandfin
Summary: Another day gone. One day closer to you.
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway
Comments: 20
Kudos: 36





	Distance

**Author's Note:**

> Inspiration for this story - 'Wish you were here' by Blackmore's Night.
> 
> Endless thanks to my wonderful Beta Mary S.

I've got feelings for you  
Do you still feel the same?  
From the first time I laid my eyes on you  
I felt joy of living  
I saw heaven in your eyes  
In your eyes

Wish you were here  
Me, oh, my country man  
Wish you were here

I wish you were here  
Don't you know the snow is getting colder  
And I miss you like hell  
And I'm feeling blue

I miss your laugh, I miss your smile  
I miss everything about you  
Every second's like a minute  
Every minute's like a day  
When you're far away

The snow is getting colder, baby  
I wish you were here  
A battlefield of love and fear  
And I wish you were here

***

Kathryn lay awake in bed, blankets clutched as tightly to her body as possible to ward off the chill. It wasn’t cold, not really, but every day she felt more keenly the absence of his heated skin against hers, his arms cradling her close to him, as though to protect her from the elements, and anything else that might dare to threaten her. 

She had never been a good sleeper. To toss and turn was all she had ever known since childhood, and she was well accustomed to surviving on little sleep. She could have lived her whole life the way it had always been and never complained, if it hadn’t been for him.

The first time they had shared a bed, she admitted, there had been little sleep going on. The same could be said for many other nights. But even then, there was something calming about his presence, and when the time for rest eventually did come, she learned for the first time what it was like to truly lose oneself in sleep, to wake contented, and fully invigorated. From that moment onwards, there would never be peace for her anytime he was absent.

It couldn’t be broken down to mere physicality. While his warmth, his scent, the soft murmur of his voice, to name only a few of the things she loved – and she could list many more – all combined together in perfect balance to soothe her, it was the connection between them that she missed the most. The inexplicable feeling that they were two parts of one soul, only complete when they could be together. She had never been a spiritual person, but though she had found herself, in the many nights she had spent thinking of him, trying to come up with a better explanation for why she felt lightened by his mere presence, she had yet to succeed.

God, she hated being apart from him every waking moment, but never so much as at night, when all the memories flooded back, and the hollow spectre of his absence reminded her of the insurmountable distance between them.

_Today and every day, I miss you. I wish you were here._

Sometimes, she almost missed the days before they had found each other, because at least then, she didn’t know the significance of his absence. Most of the time, she realised the foolishness of this mind-frame; for was there any point to life if one avoided living entirely, so as to not miss those things currently outside their reach?

_Another day gone. One day closer to you._

Every night, she told herself the same thing, though it gave her little comfort. But she did it anyway, because being one day closer was better than thinking of all the days still to go. Her last-ditch attempt to avoid the inevitable downwards spiral of thoughts that would leave her even more exhausted tomorrow than the lack of sleep would.

_Don’t do it._ _It won’t help._

She pleaded to herself, knowing where her thoughts would go next.

_He’s not here and you can’t change that._

But she always gave in eventually.

Rising from the bed, she walked the few meters to the edge of the room before pressing a hand gently against the bulkhead. Resting her head against the cool surface, silently she let her tears escape, feeling them run over her fingers as they flowed down the wall before becoming lost in the soft flooring. The faint rustling on the other side let her know he was there too, standing in the room adjoining hers. She wondered, as she always did, whether he was doing the same as her; quietly listening for the other’s soft breath to make them feel less alone.

The thought of him there, only metres in front of her, should have been reassuring, but instead it only brought into sharper focus each and every single one of the sixty thousand light years between them.

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: Star Trek: Voyager and all its characters belong to Paramount Pictures/CBS; no infringement of copyright is intended.


End file.
